Hold Me
by TopsyTurvyTurners
Summary: A rather long one shot about what I think may have happened once Shelagh and Patrick had gotten home after leaving Nonnatus on the night of Barbara's passing. Sad but fluffy, with some Patrick and Tim moments too. I hope you enjoy this and please review, thank you! x DISCLAIMER: I own nothing


It was just after midnight when the two of them finally pulled into the driveway after leaving Nonnatus House, Patrick's car just as deathly silent as it had been from the moment he and Shelagh had gotten into it once he'd wiped her tear-soaked cheeks dry with the sleeve of his jumper and pressed a delicate kiss onto her warm lips.

Neither one of them made any effort to move as they held tightly to one another's hand and Patrick brushed his thumb soothingly across her knuckles, the soft gasps that she released as she tried to stay as composed as possible being the only audible sound. Death wasn't an uncommon thing for them to have to deal with, given their occupations and all, and even though it was never an easy thing for the two of them to have to deal with, it was always a different matter when it came to one of their own.

The pain that they felt as a result to Barbara's passing was far greater. Shelagh had prayed when Patrick had held her tightly against his chest just half-an-hour earlier; prayed that Nurse Crane had been mistaken when she had telephoned Nonnatus to tell everyone that Nurse Gilbert had passed away and that by some miracle the Nurses and Doctors had found a way to save her. When Mr. Hereward and Nurse Crane had come through the door with tear-stained cheeks, however, the realisation that Nurse Gilbert was well and truly gone had come crashing down on everyone like a ton of bricks.

She had waited until the door had closed behind them to allow her own emotions to come through and Patrick had been there to hold her in his arms when she'd collapsed against his chest, her sobs loud and harsh as she had buried her face into the warm material of his jumper and he had shushed soothingly into her hair whilst running a strong hand along her back through her cardigan. They had stood at the top of the steps for several long minutes until her sobs had finally begun to cease and she'd drawn away from him with stray tears upon her cheeks, her eyes red and puffy behind her fogged up glassed before she'd allowed her husband to remove them from her face and wipe them off before Patrick had returned them to their rightful place once more.

He'd been so gentle with her as he had stroked the tears from her cheeks before taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger and pressing a warm and deep kiss onto her lips, pouring as much love and passion into that one kiss as he possibly could. When they had parted, their erratic breathing mingling as he had pressed his forehead against hers, he had wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders before leading her down the steps and toward his car. The drive home had been a silent one as she had kept her gaze fixed out of the window and he'd had a tight hold on her hand, much like the panicked drive to the hospital had been when she had had her threatened miscarriage.

Turning his head slowly towards his wife, Patrick watched Shelagh swallow hard once more to prevent the tears from crawling up her throat as a solitary one danced slowly over the smooth curve of her cheek. 'Oh, Shelagh.' He sighed lovingly as he swept his thumb across her knuckles before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it softly.

'I - I need to go and check on Teddy.' She whispered absently. 'If he wakes up and I'm not there he'll throw a fit and I'm really not stable enough to deal with that right now.' She then slipped her hand out of her husband's before unbuckling her seat-belt and stepping out of the car, Patrick watching her make her way up the drive to the back door before she slipped through it and he saw her head upstairs through the window, her small hand clasped over her mouth. He knew that he had to wait for her to approach him when she was in a state like this, but it killed him to know that she was only keeping her emotions inside for his sake; to know that all she wanted was to collapse into his embrace and let him hold her as she sobbed to her heart's content. She wouldn't though. Not yet. He knew that she felt as though she would only be another burden on him if she did, and while that couldn't have been farther from the truth he also knew that there would be no convincing her otherwise until she had allowed herself to mourn Barbara properly. The way that she had done with Sister Evangelina.

After sitting in silence for several long minutes as he tried to think of ways to help his wife Patrick released a deep sigh, removing his keys from the car before stepping out of it and locking it securely behind himself in advance to heading up the drive and entering his warm house. Just moments after he had locked the back door behind himself Timothy came into view, a downhearted look on his face. 'Nurse Gilbert's gone, isn't she, Dad?'

'Yes, son.' Patrick nodded as he set the keys down on the table before lowering himself down into one of the dining chairs, Timothy taking the chair opposite him.

'I heard Mum come upstairs and I was going to go and check on her but when I was stood outside your bedroom door I heard her crying and I know that I shouldn't bother her if she's in such a state.' Tim admitted. 'How was she when you were at Nonnatus?'

'The same.' Patrick told him. 'She cried a little when Tom and Nurse Crane came in but she broke down completely when we left.'

'Do - do you think she'll be alright?' Timothy asked gently, concern on his face when his father looked over at him. 'When Sister Evangelina died she cried for weeks, remember?'

'Your Mum loves everyone that she works with, Tim, no matter how long she's known them for. Sister Evangelina was her only family along with the rest of the Sisters; they were the only family your Mum had that hadn't hurt her.' Timothy nodded mutely. 'I don't think it'll take quite so long for her to get past the grieving stage this time but she was quite close to Nurse Gilbert. I just need you and Angela to be on your best behaviours when you're around your Mum, because she doesn't need the two of you arguing or talking back to her on top of everything else that she's got to deal with. Promise me, Tim, promise me that you'll try and have a little more patience with your sister. For your mother's sake.'

'I promise, Dad.' Timothy smiled slightly. 'I know that you're going to have to go and see Mr. Hereward tomorrow and I know that you don't want to leave Mum on her own in this state, so could I stay home from school tomorrow? I can help her with Angela and Teddy and I can do some housework for her so that she doesn't force herself to do everything.'

'Would you do that?' Patrick raised his brow, pride and love for his eldest son in his gentle brown eyes.

'Of course.' Tim nodded. 'I know that you and Mum need me to support you both and to take more responsibility, and I hate hearing and seeing Mum cry.'

'You really are a credit to the two of us, you know.' Patrick smiled. 'I know I don't say it much, but you are.'

'I know.' Timothy chuckled. 'I think you should go and make sure Mum's alright. She seemed pretty worked up when I was up there.'

'I'll make her a cup of tea first, but you should probably go to bed. Your Mum will scold me if she finds out I've kept you up.' The two of them shared a gentle chuckle then before Timothy said goodnight and made his way back up to bed, Patrick sighing as he made his way into the kitchen and began to boil the kettle to make Shelagh a cup of tea.

He didn't know what state she was going to be in when he entered their bedroom, but there was one thing that he was certain of.

He was going to support her if it was the last thing he did.

* * *

It was a short while later when Patrick finally reached the bedroom that he shared with Shelagh and he held her mug of tea carefully in his hand, a deep sigh escaping him as he could hear her humming a soft tune from behind the closed door. Her humming only meant one thing. She was feeding their son. Usually the sight would make him fall in love with her all over again, seeing her completely relaxed in the rocking chair in the corner of their room as she cradled Teddy lovingly and their little boy sucked on her breast. Tonight, however, he was slightly disheartened that his son had woken for his feed because Shelagh always wanted complete silence when she was nursing. Meaning he'd would have to wait even longer before he could hold her in his arms and make sure that she was alright. After standing in silence for a few moments longer and listening to his wife as she continued to hum softly, he turned the doorknob before pushing the door open with a gentle creak and smiling warmly at his wife as he made his way silently into the room.

Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying as she rocked back and forth in the chair, her porcelain cheeks stained by her tears as she cradled Teddy in her arms and their little boy was sucking sleepily upon her breast. 'Thank you.'. She mouthed as her husband gestured to the mug of tea in his hand, a gentle smile appearing upon her warm lips before she lowered her gaze to their son and stroked the backs of her fingers against his warm cheek as she could tell that Teddy was beginning to drift off against her. She heard the bed that she shared with her husband creak slightly as Patrick lowered himself down onto it in order to watch her nurse their son, but she was unable to look over at him. Just a single glance into his eyes would make her tears start falling all over again due to the deep love that she knew would live in his deep brown irises, and she was too exhausted to cry any more tears.

It was a few moments later when she heard soft snores escaping the beautiful baby boy that she and Patrick had managed to create out of their passionate love for one another, the smallest of smiles spreading across her lips as she dipped her head to press a warm kiss onto Teddy's forehead. 'Sweet dreams, my wee angel.' She whispered before gently drawing her son away from her breast and pulling the sleeve of her uniform back up her arm, fastening up the front of it before she rose from the rocking chair and approached the cot that stood at the foot of her bed. She then began to slowly lay her son down into it, her heart swelling with the love that she held for him as she brushed several strands of his warm blonde hair back behind his ear. She could feel her husband's gaze burning into her as she gazed down at their baby, a deep sigh escaping her as Patrick rose from their bed before making his way around to her and slipping his arms securely around her middle from behind with a lingering kiss to the back of her head. 'Patrick.' She sighed.

'I just want to hold you.' He told her gently as he nuzzled his nose against the warm skin at the back of her neck. 'I want you to let me comfort you.'

'I'm just being stupid.' She whispered absently. 'It's not like Barbara and I were as close as I am with Sister Julienne or as close as I was with Sister Evangelina. I'm being pathetic.'

'No you're not.' He growled softly into her ear. 'You and Barbara worked together for the last three years, darling, the two of you formed a bond.'

'Yes, but-'

'It doesn't matter how long you knew her for or how close the two of you were, Shelagh, because you still had a friendship with her. You still cared for her like she cared for you.' He reminded her, leaving a trail of soft kisses along the smooth curve at the back of her neck.

'I just-' She whimpered. 'The last few days have made me realise just how quickly things can change. Barbara was fine a week ago and now she's dead, Patrick!' She exclaimed as softly as possible as she turned in his arms to face him, her husband running his strong hands along the outside of her arms as she gazed up at him with tears glistening in her light blue eyes.

'From the moment we found out that she had meningococcal septicaemia I've been unable to stop thinking about - about what things would be like if I'd been in her position. I've been unable to stop thinking about what could happen if my Tuberculosis returns. What if it does and they can't do anything to stop it?' Patrick's heart broke as he watched his wife dissolve into gentle sobs once again, tears stinging in his own eyes as he remembered how painful it'd been to watch her make her way into the Sanatorium five years ago, unsure as to whether she was going to come back out again. 'You know that if it does come back there's a chance that it'll be more aggressive and that there may not be anything that can be done, and I can't stop thinking about what'll happen if it does. I wouldn't just be leaving you behind, I'd be leaving Tim and Angela and Teddy, too!'

'Shelagh, _stop_.' Patrick urged softly, his voice breaking slightly as he took her by the waist.

'But what-' She couldn't stop herself from whimpering as her husband pressed his lips desperately against her own in order to silence her then, her body stiff in his arms for just a moment before she melted against him and slung her arms around his neck as she returned his kisses with fervour. The next thing she knew she was being walked backwards toward their bed, a gentle gasp escaping her as she fell back onto it before her husband moved to lay down beside her and he cupped her damp cheek in his strong palm before their lips met in yet another passionate kiss, their tongues dancing slowly as she ran her fingers desperately through his dark hair. 'Patrick.' She breathed as he began to kiss her neck.

'Mhm?' He murmured whilst pressing firm kisses onto her warm skin.

'Make love to me.' She instructed gently, her chest rising and falling rather heavily as his strong hand rested upon her hip through the light blue material of her uniform.

'Shelagh, are you-' He was silenced by her index finger pressing lightly against his lips when he pulled away from her to look into her eyes.

'No talking.' Her voice was no higher than a whisper as she shook her head, her perfectly soft lips swollen from the firm kisses he had left upon them. 'Just make love to me.'

No further convincing was required.

* * *

Patrick couldn't help but sigh deeply into his wife's honey-blonde hair as they lay together later that morning, her head cushioned upon his chest as her arm was draped loosely over his stomach and one of her legs were tangled with one of his own beneath their covers. 'I love you, Shelagh Turner.' Patrick murmured before kissing her crown lingeringly.

'I love you, Patrick Turner.' Shelagh whispered as she allowed her head to come to settle upon the warm skin of his shoulder, nothing but love for him in her eyes as she brought her hand up to his chest in order to thread her fingers through the coarse dark strands of hair that grew upon it. 'And I'm sorry for getting so worked up about nothing, darling.'

'No, my love, I understand.' He reassured her with a kiss to the tip of her nose. 'Barbara's passing would prompt you to think about what would happen if your disease returned. I know that the thought of your Tuberculosis coming back terrifies you, Shelagh, and I know that you hate the thought of leaving I and the children behind but I don't want you to let the fear of that control you. If it does return then we can look into the triple-treatment again, but we will cross that bridge together when and if we come to it, sweetheart.'

'I don't feel up to going on my rounds today.' She admitted. 'Will you stay here and just hold me?'

'I have to go out and see Tom at 9:00, darling, but then I'll come back and snuggle with you.' Shelagh nodded sleepily against his chest. 'Try and get some sleep, my sweet one.'

'You won't leave me, will you?' She whispered. 'I want you to still be here when I wake up.'

'I will never leave you, Shelagh.' He promised her. 'I will always be here to hold you when you need me to be.'

He had never uttered words more truthful than those.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Please review! x**


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